Welcome to the dazzling world of Madame Fulcrum. She’ll interpret your dental hygiene stars each month and provide uncannily accurate celestial advice based on your sun sign.
March 21 – April 19
Can you feel it, Aries hygienist? The stellar aspect of this month continues from the end of March when we first entered your sun sign. Try to save some of that energy for May – you’re going to need it.
April 20 – May 20
March is a favorable month for the Taurus hygienist. Your birthday is coming up, which means you’ve already been celebrating for approximately the last 30 days or so. Your friends have tried to tell you to chill out over the years, but they’ve given up.
May 21 – June 20
March is a turbulent time for the Gemini hygienist. You might get a little air in your water hose line which could lead to a small mess. You have been forewarned!
June 21 – July 22
March is a crazy month for the Cancer hygienist. You might not know which way is up when March is through with you! But by the time you read this, everything will have smoothed out for you. Too bad you won’t read this until March is well over.
July 23 – August 22
Leo hygienist, you need a break this April. Take a vacation. Fly somewhere far, far away. Eat some questionable food. Learn some interesting bathroom etiquette. Come home. Appreciate not travelling for a little while.
August 23 – September 22
When’s the last time you let loose and had a little fun, Virgo hygienist? That time you wore pink scrubs on Wednesday (which is normally your purple scrub day) doesn’t count.
September 23 – October 22
March has you feeling a little nostalgic, Libra hygienist. Why can’t we just go back to the good ol’ days? Because at one point clinicians weren’t required to wear gloves. Yeah. Let that sink in.
October 23 – November 21
Oh, Scorpio hygienist. You’re our favorite. All the other horoscope sites tiptoe around your likeability so as not to offend your fragile ego, but not us. Just remember that.
November 22 – December 21
Don’t let March get you down, Sagittarius hygienist. It’s going to be an exhausting month, but you can make it through. If espresso bean toothpaste is a thing, you should try it.
December 22 – January 19
March is all about “you time,” dear Capricorn hygienist. Honestly, we’re not sure how this is different from any other month of the year.
January 20 – February 18
You might be feeling extra charitable this month, Aquarius hygienist. Go ahead, share the good handpiece from the op #2 and good karma will come back to you in many forms.
February 19 – March 20
You were the star of the zodiac show for the last few months, Pisces hygienist, and now it’s time to go back to where you are most comfortable: away from everyone.