January Hygiene Horoscopes

By Madame Fulcrum on January, 1 2020
January Hygiene Horoscopes
Madame Fulcrum

Madame Fulcrum is known worldwide as a leading dental astrological expert with an unprecedented accuracy rate of 99.7%.

What does your hygiene future have in store?





March 21 – April 19

You may feel especially powerful and courageous this month, Aries Hygienist. It’s a great time to ask for a raise, buy some new equipment or persuade your patients to floss with a passion and vigor that actually keeps them up at night. Good.





April 20 – May 20

Taurus Hygienist, take some time this month to think about the positive aspects of your relationships and you’ll begin to feel more confident about them. There’s a good side to everyone, but some may take more effort to see than others (I’m looking at you, appointment no-shows).





May 21 – June 20

You may feel like approaching your work in a more disciplined manner, Gemini Hygienist, which might mean that you’re paying more careful attention to your responsibilities. Most days, this will give you a feeling of accomplishment and affirm the value you bring to the practice. Other days you’ll go to brush your hair, hit a clump of fluoride and wonder, “how did we get here?”





June 21 – July 22

Cancer Hygienist, this is a great time of year to make a list of all the projects you would like to do but have never felt you have had the time for. Might as well write “sharpen instruments” in bold permanent marker because it never. ends.





July 23 – August 22

You may be ready to make important decisions soon that could affect your life, Leo Hygienist. You might feel that using the wisdom of your intuition might to help you commit to the right decision. In other words, I bet you’re only ONE scaler purchase away from attaining pure career Zen.





August 23 – September 22

Virgo Hygienist, you could find that you’re feeling pragmatic about your relationships this month. I could say that you should stop talking and listen more, but that would make for some pretty awkward appointments so carry on.





September 23 – October 22

You have little doubt that your efforts will be met with success this month, Libra Hygienist. Singing tooth-themed songs every time you karaoke is sure to delight audiences and not annoy your friends at all. Can we queue up Teeth by Lady Gaga again? Come on and show me your teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth (See? Not at all annoying, your friends are crazy.)





October 23 – November 21

You may be feeling powerful and confident enough to take your goals and aspirations to the next level as 2020 gets off to a start, Scorpio Hygienist. Where will your career take you this year? I’m legitimately asking, I have no idea, I’m not a real astrologer.






November 22 – December 21

The need to be alone may strike suddenly this month, Sagittarius Hygienist, possibly causing you to become a little distracted as you go about your duties. On the upside I’m told the supply closet is very peaceful.





December 22 – January 19

You may feel especially hopeful about the future these days, Capricorn Hygienist. My hope? That this is the year you finally stop saying “omg sorry my place is such a mess” whenever people come over to your perfectly tidy home.





January 20 – February 18

You’re in for a phenomenal month, Aquarius Hygienist! That’s it. That’s the horoscope.






February 19 – March 20

You might feel the need to seek deeper answers about the purpose of your life which could make you seem more introspective as the New Year begins, Pisces Hygienist. Much of this soul-searching centers around the massive amount of coffee you consume daily, so prepare to face some serious inner conflict.



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