Horoscopes for hygienists who don't believe in horoscopes.
Aries
March 21 – April 19
Aries hygienist, your idea for a tooth-themed Thanksgiving dinner may have creeped everyone out. But it’s not like you were planning to bring denture Jell-O or anything. Don't let opinions stop you from making absolutely everything in your tooth-shaped cake pan because that thing is awesome.
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You don’t have a reputation as the most adventurous spender Taurus Hygienist, but now is a good time to explore your options. Splurge on some gifts for your co-workers who tolerate your occasional* crankiness and sarcasm. Or perhaps you could invest in a mindfulness and meditation series to break that cranky mood.
*Unrelenting
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Gemini Hygienist, there’s a new moon in optimistic Sagittarius this month, bringing new beginnings that will lead to something wonderful. Could it be a big move? A new job? A new puppy? Or, better yet, a cassette full of brand new scalers? So much is in store.
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
"Life Your schedule moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while strictly adhere to it down to the minute, you could miss it throw off the time-space continuum and doom humanity." – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, starring a Cancer Hygienist
Leo
July 23 – August 22
I don’t know which Leo Hygienists need to hear this but please unclench your jaw. Mercury may be in retrograde, but not for much longer. The new moon will bring such a strong sense of security and belonging, you may not need your night guard!
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Virgo Hygienist, your mind is like a sponge now. You’re able to soak up an incredible amount of knowledge everywhere you go. Take some CE courses or download an educational dental podcast. It would be a shame to waste this period of enlightenment watching six seasons of 90-Day Fiancé in a single weekend.
Libra
September 23 – October 22
You have a lot on your to-do list, Libra Hygienist, but you still manage to squeeze in time for random acts of kindness. Like hanging out in the oral hygiene aisle at Target and recommending toothbrushes to unsuspecting shoppers. How do you do it?
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You have a strong urge to accomplish your objectives, but you can’t seem to do that without running into obstacles. That’s probably because you went to IKEA, bought an extremely complicated piece of furniture and attempted to assemble it by yourself Scorpio Hygienist. Those around you both admire and fear your level of ambition. Channel it wisely.
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Sagittarius Hygienist, you don’t meet too many people you don’t like or at least aren’t willing to give a chance to get on your good side. Except for people who don’t floss. There’s no room in your life for that kind of negativity. Try to use your persuasive nature to help them change their ways.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
You’re not afraid to roll up your sleeves and do the hard work, Capricorn Hygienist. And you seem to make it look easy while you’re at it. You handle the most challenging cases with ease, and the most difficult patients with grace. Just want to make you aware so you can stop making the rest of us look bad.
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You: HOW HARD IS IT FOR MY PATIENT TO BE ON TIME?!!
Also you: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past 5 years and I was not expecting that.
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You’re ready to party, Pisces Hygienist. No one is left off your invite list, either, since you’ll be in a “the more the merrier” kind of mood. Let’s clarify that by party, I mean go to work, and by invite list, I mean the insane amount of patients you have to see. But it sounds way more fun when you call it a party.