October's Hygiene Horoscope

By Madame Fulcrum on October, 11 2018
October's Hygiene Horoscope
Madame Fulcrum

Madame Fulcrum is known worldwide as a leading dental astrological expert with an unprecedented accuracy rate of 99.7%.

Welcome to the dazzling world of Madame Fulcrum. She’ll interpret your dental hygiene stars each month and provide uncannily accurate celestial advice based on your sun sign.





March 21 – April 19

October is a harmonious month for the Aries hygienist. You’ll watch in awe how smoothly your clinical days go by. Patients are on time. Your 45-minute appointments end almost on the dot. No one cried. Has this EVER happened before? You must have inadvertently brushed your instrument against a lucky gold tooth at some point. It’s the only logical explanation.




April 20 – May 20

October lives up to its spooky nature for the Taurus hygienist. Did that patient just open his mouth to reveal ACTUAL fangs? What is happening?? Make sure you have some hefty puncture-proof gloves on hand this month because things could take a messy turn.






May 21 – June 20

October is a hectic month for the Gemini hygienist. Stop worrying about being meticulous and orderly all the time. You know who have meticulous and orderly lives? Serial killers.





June 21 – July 22

October is a frightening month for the Cancer hygienist. You may encounter a mouth that bears a striking resemblance to that of Pennywise the Clown’s. Talk about heavy stain! Has that guy EVER been to the dentist? Also, avoid drains for a while.






July 23 – August 22

October is a beautiful month for the Leo hygienist. You are apt to discover a career-altering dental technology that is just a few characteristics shy of a magic wand. Keep your loupes locked and loaded because if you’re not looking, you could miss it.






August 23 – September 22

October is a fruitful month for the Virgo hygienist. You might want to stop, drop and roll because you are ON FIRE. Just be careful over by those oxygen tanks.






September 23 – October 22

October is a grueling month for the Libra hygienist. But it will totally pay off. Before you know it, you’ll be rolling in money. And by money, we mean wine and self-pity.





October 23 – November 21

October is a spectacular month for the Scorpio hygienist. Somehow all of your patients magically have one thing in common: they all hate Halloween candy, thereby making your long-term future unthinkably easier. I mean, there’s that one guy who likes popcorn balls, but we’ll let that slide.




November 22 – December 21

October is an adventurous month for the Sagittarius hygienist. You are the horoscope wheel’s resident expert in fearless risk-taking, and your all-in approach pays off this month. Your experiment with selective polishing? Smooth sailing. That new hand instrumentation method? Impeccable results. Your motto this month? #YOLO





December 22 – January 19

October is a flawless month for the Capricorn hygienist. You are the architect of your own destiny, and you’re doing great (not really, but you’re trying and that counts).





January 20 – February 18

October is an eye-opening month for the Aquarius hygienist. You are like The Blob from the 1950s horror classic, consuming anything and everything in your path. Take ALL the CE courses. Soon, the planet will be yours!






February 19 – March 20

October is a stressful month for the Pisces hygienist. Some of your patients’ home-care tactics haven’t been on the up-and-up, so there’s a chance someone will emerge from your op looking a little like Stephen King’s Carrie (minus the fiery wrath, so rest easy).

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