September Hygiene Horoscopes

Aries

March 21 – April 19

If adulthood is needing coffee and a nap before going out on Friday night, then being an RDH is … exactly that except with no bathroom breaks.

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Mood: How is it suddenly the end of September? No seriously have I been in a coma, should I be concerned?

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

No one:
Gemini hygienist: I need scrubs for when I barely glance sideways, diagnose perio, then dramatically take my gloves off in slow motion. Also, pockets.

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Cancer hygienist, if you're in silent rage-cleaning mode again, that means it's time to do something that inspires you. In other words, you have a fever, and the only prescription is more Forrest Gump.

Leo

July 23 – August 22

You may have shed a few tears after missing the Spice Girls reunion tour. But dates for Whitney Houston’s hologram tour have been announced, so at least there’s a three-dimensional light at the end of this long revivalist pop culture tunnel.

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

As you may have heard, Saturn ends its retrograde this month, Virgo hygienist. What does that mean for you? It could go one of two ways: either you’re so in the zone at work that you basically black out and wake up to find that you just completed a full SRP, or you keep putting bitewings in backwards.

Libra

September 23 – October 22

The moon is in the perfect position for you to achieve your goals over the next 30 days. This aspect opens up some can-do energy. You CAN make a difference in your patients’ lives. You CAN have a meaningful and fulfilling career. And you CAN convince people to floss. The universe has your back!

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Scorpio hygienist, you’re really good at what you do. So good that you’re usually the go-to guru for all the office newbs, which is great! But wow, they ask a lot of questions. Is there no one else who can help? Maybe if you start over-philosophizing everything, people will slowly stop talking to you altogether. Problem solved.

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Are we entirely sure some hygienists aren’t just three cups of coffee stacked in a trench coat? That’s not a horoscope, I’m legitimately asking.

 Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

It’s tough to meet new friends, Capricorn hygienist. But one way to filter out those who aren’t worth your time is to ask up front whether or not they’ve seen the movie Titanic. Then you’ll know … you’ll know.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

It’s been a tough month, Aquarius hygienist. But it’s time to straighten up, wash the prophy paste out of your hair, re-apply the makeup that rubbed off on your mask, finally take a bathroom break, untangle your chair wheels from all the cords, restock the drawers, run the autoclave one last time and … forget it this is exhausting.

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Pisces hygienist, the next few months are all about expanding your horizons. Sign up for some continuing education courses, and try to focus in on the more unique topics offered. It’ll give you more of an edge – not that you need it.